Truth, Clarity, Love

From the forthcoming book:

The Dating Clarity Collection
Adapted from Love & The Naked Soul 

by Margot Finley.
© 2025 Margot Finley. 

All rights reserved.

Some of us talk a lot on dates, yet never really show up. Others stay safe in small talk because depth feels risky. 

These questions aren't about performing or collecting fun facts. They're invitations to attention, curiosity, and honesty. 

If you want connection instead of chemistry theater, start here.

1. What's something small that recently made you smile?
2. If you could teleport anywhere for dinner tonight, where would you go?
3. What song always lifts your mood no matter what?
4. What's your favorite way to spend a lazy Sunday?
5. Which app on your phone do you open the most—and why?
6. What household chore do you secretly enjoy?
7. Who was your childhood hero?
8. What's a simple pleasure you think is underrated?
9. If you had to teach a class on any topic for 30 minutes with zero prep, what would you teach?
10. What's your go-to comfort food after a rough day?

These help reveal how someone sees themselves and the world. Use them to go beyond small talk and explore what shaped each of you.

1. What's a piece of advice you got from a grandparent (or elder) that stuck?
2. Looking back, what was a turning-point year in your life and why?
3. Which book—or movie—shaped your worldview the most?
4. What's the most meaningful gift you've ever received?
5. What personality trait of yours are you proudest of?
6. If a friend described you in three words, what do you hope they'd choose?
7. What hobby have you always wanted to try but haven't yet?
8. When do you feel most at peace?
9. What family tradition would you like to carry forward?
10. If you could have dinner with a historical figure just to ask one question, who and what would it be?

Ask these when you're ready to explore alignment on the deeper stuff—ethics, beliefs, and how you live your life.

1. Which personal value would you never compromise on in a relationship?
2. What does "success" actually look like to you ten years from now?
3. When do you feel most connected to your community?
4. What social cause moves you to action every time?
5. How do you recharge when you're emotionally drained?
6. In conflict, do you lean toward fight, flight, or freeze—and how do you self-regulate?
7. What role does spirituality (or secular mindfulness) play in your life?
8. What's a recent belief you changed your mind about?
9. How do you define loyalty in friendship?
10. What's the best compliment you've ever received—and why did it matter?

Choose these to invite emotional closeness. They open the door to intimacy, authenticity, and the deeper "why" behind your choices.

1. What's a fear you've overcome that you once thought you never would?
2. What's your biggest current vulnerability that most people don't see?
3. Describe a moment you felt truly seen by someone.
4. What unfinished dream still tugs at you?
5. When do you feel the bravest?
6. What habit or mindset from your past relationship(s) are you determined not to repeat?
7. What's something you're working on forgiving yourself for?
8. Where in your life do you crave more freedom?
9. What legacy do you hope your loved ones feel from you?
10. What does "home" mean to you beyond a physical place?

These questions help you imagine a future together—how you each approach commitment, navigate challenges, and define what lasting love means.

1. What does an ideal weekend together look like for you and a partner?
2. How do you like to be comforted when you're upset?
3. If finances were covered, what passion project would you start tomorrow?
4. In what ways do you want a partner to challenge you?
5. What shared ritual would make you feel connected in a long-term relationship?
6. How do you envision handling disagreements about money?
7. What's a bucket-list adventure you'd love to share with someone special?
8. When you imagine growing old with a partner, what scene comes to mind first?
9. How will you know you're truly in love?
10. What question do you wish I'd asked—but didn't?

Matchmaker Margot
Finley Introductions
matchmakermargot.com

Note to Readers

This assessment is intended for educational and personal reflection purposes only. It is not a psychological evaluation, diagnostic tool, or substitute for professional mental health counseling or therapy. Its purpose is to encourage greater self-awareness and more intentional choices in dating and relationships.

From the forthcoming book:

The Dating Clarity Collection
Adapted from Love & The Naked Soul 

by Margot Finley.
© 2025 Margot Finley. 

All rights reserved.

Some people run from intimacy. Some are acutely aware of this, and others unaware. 

Others chase it, often into the arms of those who can't give it.

If you find yourself drawn to people who send mixed signals, keep you guessing, or seem present but never fully in it—you're not alone. 

Emotional unavailability can intoxicate, especially if you've learned to equate longing with love.

This quiz will help you identify patterns that keep you locked into lopsided dynamics—and begin shifting toward partners who can actually meet you.

Instructions

Rate each statement from 1 to 5.

1 = Not at all true
2 = Slightly true
3 = Moderately true
4 = Very true
5 = Absolutely true

1. I'm more attracted to people who are mysterious or hard to read.
2. If someone is too available or eager, I lose interest quickly.
3. I spend a lot of time wondering what the other person is thinking or feeling.
4. I often feel like I care more than they do—and try to prove my worth.
5. When things are good, I feel anxious and wait for something to go wrong.
6. I'm drawn to people who have "potential," even if they're inconsistent now.
7. I get stuck in relationships where I feel unseen, unsure, or emotionally hungry.
8. I've confused chemistry or intensity with genuine emotional safety.
9. I make excuses for someone's lack of effort because I "understand" their past.
10. I've stayed too long in situations where I wasn't getting my emotional needs met.

Scoring Your Results

Add your scores from all ten questions.

Minimum score: 10 

Maximum score: 50

41–50: 

Deep Pattern of Pursuing the Unavailable

You may be stuck in a painful cycle of longing and disappointment—chasing validation from people who can't truly give it. This often points to early wounds around worthiness, approval, or abandonment. It's not your fault—but it is your responsibility now.

Time to Reflect

Pause dating and write a "Relationship Resume"—listing the patterns and emotional traits of your past three partners. 

Create a new internal filter:

"Is this connection making me feel secure or addicted?"

31–40: 

Craving Love, Attracted to Distance

You want a relationship—but you often find yourself pulled toward people who activate your anxiety more than your peace. You might not be chasing unavailability on purpose—but you're familiar with it, and that familiarity can feel like chemistry.

What If You Did It Differently?

Each time you feel a magnetic pull to someone, ask:

"Do I feel wanted—or just unsure?"

Begin affirming:

"I deserve mutual desire—not emotional breadcrumbs."

21–30: 

Mixed Attraction Style

You're aware of some old patterns and have probably begun shifting toward healthier dynamics—but traces of attraction to emotional unavailability still linger.

You may second-guess good connections or get bored when there's no drama.

Your Next Step

Make a list of green flags you actually enjoy—and remind yourself these are not "boring."

Practice staying present when things feel emotionally safe. Don't flee the calm.

10–20: 

Drawn to Availability and Emotional Presence

You've broken the cycle. You're no longer pulled toward chaos, ambiguity, or emotional stinginess.

That doesn't mean you never feel tempted—but you now associate love with clarity and respect, not confusion and chase.

Small Shifts, Big Impact

Celebrate how far you've come.

Ask:

"What did I have to unlearn to get here?"

Set an intention before every new connection:

"I only pursue what pursues me back."

Matchmaker Margot
Finley Introductions
matchmakermargot.com

Note to Readers

This assessment is intended for educational and personal reflection purposes only. It is not a psychological evaluation, diagnostic tool, or substitute for professional mental health counseling or therapy. Its purpose is to encourage greater self-awareness and more intentional choices in dating and relationships.

From the forthcoming book:

The Dating Clarity Collection
Adapted from Love & The Naked Soul 

by Margot Finley
© 2025 Margot Finley. 

All rights reserved.

Different person.

Different face.

Same story.

Have you ever looked back at your relationships and wondered how you ended up in the same situation with someone entirely new?

We like to believe we're making fresh choices, but attraction isn't always as spontaneous or mysterious as it feels. Sometimes we're following an old emotional blueprint without even realizing it.

We may confuse familiarity with compatibility, intensity with intimacy, or the pursuit of someone unavailable with the excitement of falling in love.

And sometimes the common denominator in our dating disappointments isn't the people we're choosing. It's the patterns we keep bringing with us. This assessment will help you recognize the habits, attractions, and unconscious choices that may be shaping your romantic life—so you can stop repeating the same story and begin writing a different one.

Rate each statement from 1 to 5:

1 — Not at all true
2 — Slightly true
3 — Somewhat true
4 — Mostly true
5 — Absolutely true

1. I'm drawn to the same type of person over and over, even when it hasn't worked.
2. I've mistaken red flags for chemistry or passion.
3. I tend to be more attracted to people who are hard to get, unavailable, or emotionally inconsistent.

1. I move into exclusivity quickly, only to feel stuck or unsure later.
2. If I don't feel an immediate spark, I tend to write someone off.
3. I confuse excitement or nervousness with compatibility.

1. I have trouble stating my needs clearly and directly.
2. I over-explain or justify my boundaries.
3. I test people (withdraw, hint, wait for them to "prove" something) instead of asking directly.

1. After a dating disappointment, I focus more on what they did than on what I chose or ignored.
2. My friends or coach often notice patterns I haven't acknowledged yet.
3. I've repeated the same mistakes even when I "knew better."

1. I jump into dating without considering whether I'm emotionally ready.
2. I find myself addicted to the process — swiping, messaging, and venting — without actual progress.
3. I say I want something serious, but I sometimes sabotage when it gets real.

Add your scores from all 15 statements.

Maximum score: 75

61–75: 

You're likely caught in a pattern loop.

You may need a full reset—not in your luck, but in your strategy and mindset.

46–60: You're aware of your patterns but still falling into them.

Identify the top 2–3 behaviors to shift. Even small changes can unlock new results.

31–45: 

You're on your way.

You've started making better choices, but watch out for old habits under new disguises.

15–30: 

You're learning and growing.

Stay intentional and honest. You're likely ready to build something healthy.

Matchmaker Margot
Finley Introductions
matchmakermargot.com

A Note to Readers

This assessment is intended for educational and personal reflection purposes only. It is not a psychological evaluation, diagnostic tool, or substitute for professional mental health counseling or therapy. Its purpose is to encourage greater self-awareness and more intentional choices in dating and relationships.